Toni and I feel a little bit sorry about not blogging in awhile.
We don't feel THAT sorry, because so few people read our blog.
LOTS of people read our facebook pages, though. So there.
Anyways, I keep a little notebook for silly haiku I think up while I should be using brainpower to solve world hunger and global warming problems. I thought, since a whole year has passed, I'd share them with you. To be true to the pages, I have decided to include them exactly as written down in the book. This may mean that some of them make absolutely no sense. Because my brain works in mysterious ways. Or stupid ones. Also true.
Enjoy my last year in haiku...
For fun, for profit?
For neurons unlike lemmings
I could watch TV
First heartbeat now breathe
Baby's eyes open to see
One and one is three
Blue ripple white cap
Dark and deep but light and green
Flow river flow spring
Beaker test tube flask
All the glassware in the world
Break walls smash theories
Fish, liver, rat bits
It all grinds up just the same
Maybe not the taste
Angry so angry
Burning white hot blazing rage
Peanut butter toast
Feel like it's easy
Prance through meadow watch you toil
Someone deflate me
Sneaking up on toads
Are you receiving answers?
We wear tinfoil hats
All the trees are gone
So dark the soil they bleed out
Exsanguination
Rain drops on the path
Gritty sand and barefoot rocks
Her way is not clear
Parched desert camel
Sticky eyes and sandy tongue
Shake your hula hips
Sunshine electrons
Nanotech smells like cedar
Don't be negative
Twirling tango toes
Dance to success drink to luck
Eureka ballroom
Heavy eyes slow brain
Open wide for magic sand
Feel the burden lift
Herd snap dragons
I am a mighty spring knight
They breathe fragrant fire
Pictures hung on walls
Great tree roots tight in the dirt
Home, home on the strange
Uneasy tummy
Feeling guilty telling lies
Luckily it's gas
Speak sweet listen now
They think we're up to something
But I will bite them
Complicates mazes
Go too deep too wrong and lost
There's got to be light
Tiny twinkling star
Fierce fusion flame fantastic
Where Adams come from
Rested waiting fly
No time for things sensible
The lemurs are coming
Gloomy skyless day
Gray clouds gray trees gray world gray
Find some sunshine
Penetrating light
Flicker twitch and glowing blue
It hums and it hums
I will not be mauled
I will chase and pounce and kill
I will be lion
Forever seconds
Waiting tick waiting tick wait
Eternity now
Philosopher's stone
Microbiologist too
Turn bread into mold
Summer haze blue smoke
White light red flames forest fire
Go fourth of July
Sand in toes up shorts
See the hit dive down return
Gritty nerve tastes sweet
Fearing combustion
Regret and indecision
Lighter fluid guilt
Black plaque festering
Does it grow beneath my skin?
Someone feed my cat
Brave little cream puff
Stand up be strong cry all night
We all get eaten
I scoff at the box
Irresponsibly silly
Walrus dance party
Restless heart feels caught
I dreamt I was not running
Now I'm so tired
They build big buildings
They destroy dwarfing forests
They go extinct too
Cloudy chariots
Beating hooves of rain descend
Thunderous this track
Write sing paint create
All these great ideas lost
The curse of the muse
It's the hollow eyes
Honesty of innocence
No more tears to eat
Polluter's false truth
Geological time grail
Dinosaurs go first
Just stop yelling please
Let's have silence all alone
I like quiet fun
Et tu Brute stabbed
It stings in the face my friend
But worse in the back
Friday night freedom
Too soon Sunday shackles tight
With dead weight I'll drown
Surf the internet
Water water everywhere
Too much thought to think
Snowflake number one
This one is easy to count
Now it's time to nap
Run walk play sports swim
Fitness healthy exercise
Mmm potatoe chips
Oh man oh man eeeeee
It's almost time for pumpkins
Paint my face ready
I have the sickness
Sharp pains abdomen implodes
Savage snack attack
Stay busy silly
Boredom's one claw waits sneaky
Raptors ate my brain
Spend so long doing
Thinking going forgetting
I dreamt the world real
Amateurish boob
Everybody likes cleavage
Art is natural
Sell the one true God
Advertise commercialize
Indescent from cross
I smell cheap plastic
I smell synthetic spices
I smell Christmas cheer
Beautiful blanket
Brilliant white snow snuggles Earth
Covers all the poop
I spy with my eye
Some perfluorokerosene
My job rocks your socks
Abuse your others
Say nothing when you're abused
Fragile harmony
Barf barf barfy barf
Barf barf barf barfarama
Barfy barf barf barf
Delicately perched
Dainty wings flutter unsure
Magpie eats squirrel
Don't breathe in hold out
Flee with downy arms held up
It's so freakin' cold
Relax and slow down
Give up on the world get peace
As real as you want
Late Friday sunshine
You travel on the dark don't
Let me down again
Productive people
Busy bees make more honey
Hornets bother Brad
Only when it's night
In the moonlight zombies might
Eat your left and right
Melted trickling
Sunbeams on glassy surface
My eyes are frozen
Still waiting for it
Warm breezes blow through nothing
Bring on some new buds
Blink once from darkness
Feel warmth finally breathe
I migrated too
Pose occupancy
Ponder putting things in place
When they don't belong
From the universe
Permission to be honest
Even to yourself
The truth is muddy
Coating eyes and turning tongues
We see shapes spit lies
Sometimes branches break
Falling from trees long standing
And they still reach out
I want to make noise
Entropic good vibrations
Drums disorder me
Communication
Wave your opposable thumbs
And grunt more it helps
It snows in movies
Dramatic slow motion fakes
Just like the kisses
Test me so I pass
Ambiguous life moment
Fail me it's freedom
I am not sorry
You can't make me like you
Pottery you suck
Thank you pottery
There are worse things than clay pots
They are all the same
Body a la morgue
The cause of death was sameness
You change or you pie
Bitten never born
Moonlight reflects off a horn
Rare wereunicorn
Convoluted speech
Strain to make sense of circles
Say less sound louder
Swallowed a hamster
Never ending snot river
Definately sick
Vacancy upstairs
Open concept cranium
No smoking allowed
Gladiator crouch
Circle the GC-MS
Hand to can combat
Canadian spring
Cold clouds some snow freezing rain
Go to Mexico
Relax in the sun
Worry less about cancer
Warm up to chill out
Lose a piece of you
But souls are totipotent
Grow back a fresh start
Impossible fluff
Get all pretty if you want
We lick our own butts
We will save the world
Extra ordinary us
One day at a time
Monday, May 07, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Oh man oh man oh man
I have figured out something we can do, Toni.
You are going to say no.
You are going to hate me.
http://www.destinationgrandcanyon.com/skywalk.html
We have to do this.
You are going to say no.
You are going to hate me.
http://www.destinationgrandcanyon.com/skywalk.html
We have to do this.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Extreme curling?
People of the world who read our blog!
(Actually - there's been a lot less readership these days. Toni, we need to decide what our next crazy thing is so that people come back to the blog and shower us with comments again...)
I promise to soon (or Toni will) post pictures from our curling adventures once I get permission from our buddies. We had an excellent time dressing up in our Vegas costumes, hanging out with our husbands, and drinking a little hops and barley juice. Oh, and curling. We did curl a little bit. I think you can still call it curling, there were rocks on the ice and we slid them around.
I also thought we'd try the story game suggested previously. So, I will give you all a starter sentence, and the next person comments with the second line of the story. YOU CAN ONLY ADD ONE SENTENCE at a time, although after someone else comments, feel free to add another line. Please, restrain yourselves from taking the fast bus to gutter land.
A blog story by Roz, Toni and the friendship team:
It's hard to describe how it feels when these sorts of things happen.
(Actually - there's been a lot less readership these days. Toni, we need to decide what our next crazy thing is so that people come back to the blog and shower us with comments again...)
I promise to soon (or Toni will) post pictures from our curling adventures once I get permission from our buddies. We had an excellent time dressing up in our Vegas costumes, hanging out with our husbands, and drinking a little hops and barley juice. Oh, and curling. We did curl a little bit. I think you can still call it curling, there were rocks on the ice and we slid them around.
I also thought we'd try the story game suggested previously. So, I will give you all a starter sentence, and the next person comments with the second line of the story. YOU CAN ONLY ADD ONE SENTENCE at a time, although after someone else comments, feel free to add another line. Please, restrain yourselves from taking the fast bus to gutter land.
A blog story by Roz, Toni and the friendship team:
It's hard to describe how it feels when these sorts of things happen.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Lessons in humility!
There are lots of things I'm not innately good at.
Today the list is longer.
I went to my first pottery class last night, and I do not understand yet how to make things go. I'm so sorry to Tara for having to sit next to me while I shot death rays at my lump of clay. All in all, I'm sure I could have fun making ash trays and pencil holders, but I do not promise anything spectacular.
So, you are all getting stubby cylinders for Christmas! They can be useful in many ways. They could hold cat treats. Or juice. Or pipe cleaners. Or uranium. They can be as full of imagination as you are!
But wait, there's more!
With this limited time offer of a poorly molded, fat little tub of clay, you could also get complimentary noise! I will come over to your place and using an elaborate set up of your most precious pots and pans, practise drumming for you - free of charge!
Sometimes I'm suprised I have so many friends.
Roz
Today the list is longer.
I went to my first pottery class last night, and I do not understand yet how to make things go. I'm so sorry to Tara for having to sit next to me while I shot death rays at my lump of clay. All in all, I'm sure I could have fun making ash trays and pencil holders, but I do not promise anything spectacular.
So, you are all getting stubby cylinders for Christmas! They can be useful in many ways. They could hold cat treats. Or juice. Or pipe cleaners. Or uranium. They can be as full of imagination as you are!
But wait, there's more!
With this limited time offer of a poorly molded, fat little tub of clay, you could also get complimentary noise! I will come over to your place and using an elaborate set up of your most precious pots and pans, practise drumming for you - free of charge!
Sometimes I'm suprised I have so many friends.
Roz
Monday, February 26, 2007
The Ballad of Simon and Meetoo
You wouldn’t guess
from their contentedness
that this tale could ever be true.
But I have a story
of sadness and glory
the Ballad of Simon and Meetoo.
In an ancient land
an uncivilized band
of raiders held captive the East.
From the mountains they came
full of hunger and blame
desperate to triumph and feast.
The people below
lived peaceful and slow
led by a lovely young Queen.
She kissed her guard’s head
when he hit the ground dead
felled by a raider unseen.
The Lord of the horde
bellowed and roared
when the Lady refused to be his.
She sat down and cried
for the people who died
and he wondered if hate’s all there is.
The Lord made a vow
a promise for now
that peace would come to this place.
But it came with a price
her hand would suffice
so the veil hid the tears on her face.
When their love was still young
their praises were sung
for the winter was suddenly mild.
People ate well
and rumours would tell
that the Lady was blessed with a child.
Very few knew
she gave birth to two
sons of a powerful man.
One of them thrived
one barely survived
and to save him she secretly ran.
She had rescued the one
gentle young son
unfit for the making of war.
He would always be small
loving to all
and knew that he wanted no more.
The Lord’s strong son
training begun
perfected the art of attack.
Sent to destroy
he would always enjoy
the journey to battle and back.
On a cool summer’s day
quiet and grey
the raiders tore families apart.
The gentle son’s town
was burned to the ground
which melted his brother’s steel heart.
The warrior boy
knowing no joy
in destruction and violence and hate,
Turned to his brother
and forgotten young mother
hoping it wasn’t too late.
From out of the mist
a Sorcerer hissed
I bring a blessing and curse to these men.
Brothers together
now and forever
to die and be reborn again.
When the brothers awoke
a distant voice spoke
any soul can choose to be free.
Transformed into birds
by the Sorcerer’s words
they wondered what else they would be.
They’ve travelled the seas
as dolphins and bees
born each time in a form that is new.
Now kittens, behold!
The legend is told
the Ballad of Simon and Meetoo.
from their contentedness
that this tale could ever be true.
But I have a story
of sadness and glory
the Ballad of Simon and Meetoo.
In an ancient land
an uncivilized band
of raiders held captive the East.
From the mountains they came
full of hunger and blame
desperate to triumph and feast.
The people below
lived peaceful and slow
led by a lovely young Queen.
She kissed her guard’s head
when he hit the ground dead
felled by a raider unseen.
The Lord of the horde
bellowed and roared
when the Lady refused to be his.
She sat down and cried
for the people who died
and he wondered if hate’s all there is.
The Lord made a vow
a promise for now
that peace would come to this place.
But it came with a price
her hand would suffice
so the veil hid the tears on her face.
When their love was still young
their praises were sung
for the winter was suddenly mild.
People ate well
and rumours would tell
that the Lady was blessed with a child.
Very few knew
she gave birth to two
sons of a powerful man.
One of them thrived
one barely survived
and to save him she secretly ran.
She had rescued the one
gentle young son
unfit for the making of war.
He would always be small
loving to all
and knew that he wanted no more.
The Lord’s strong son
training begun
perfected the art of attack.
Sent to destroy
he would always enjoy
the journey to battle and back.
On a cool summer’s day
quiet and grey
the raiders tore families apart.
The gentle son’s town
was burned to the ground
which melted his brother’s steel heart.
The warrior boy
knowing no joy
in destruction and violence and hate,
Turned to his brother
and forgotten young mother
hoping it wasn’t too late.
From out of the mist
a Sorcerer hissed
I bring a blessing and curse to these men.
Brothers together
now and forever
to die and be reborn again.
When the brothers awoke
a distant voice spoke
any soul can choose to be free.
Transformed into birds
by the Sorcerer’s words
they wondered what else they would be.
They’ve travelled the seas
as dolphins and bees
born each time in a form that is new.
Now kittens, behold!
The legend is told
the Ballad of Simon and Meetoo.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Long Weekend Approaches
Ahh, Friday.
The snow is falling, and melting, and will probably freeze again for maximum unsafeness.
What are you guys up to for the long weekend?
I need to get my hands on some interesting crafting supplies to complete Toni's birthday present. Most pressing - a large sheet of paper. Maybe 3 feet long? Anybody?
Also, I believe we might see a movie tonight. For only the cost of one kidney and some bone marrow, I might also swing for popcorn. Who knows?
Have a great Friday everybody!
Roz
The snow is falling, and melting, and will probably freeze again for maximum unsafeness.
What are you guys up to for the long weekend?
I need to get my hands on some interesting crafting supplies to complete Toni's birthday present. Most pressing - a large sheet of paper. Maybe 3 feet long? Anybody?
Also, I believe we might see a movie tonight. For only the cost of one kidney and some bone marrow, I might also swing for popcorn. Who knows?
Have a great Friday everybody!
Roz
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Premature Epostulation
So, I came online planning to make an awesome post, because I expected that something would come to me, but uh, I got nothing.
If I could wax pathetic for a moment, where is all the fun?
I feel so tired lately and I'm not sleeping. You might think that it's just a cold, but I think I have a virus in my sunshine gland.
Also, if you guys could help me out, I need something that rhymes with "cats" for my birthday present for Toni. It can't be lame, so "hats, mats and gnats" are all out. Can I use another word that also means felines, but doesn't sound cheezy?
R
If I could wax pathetic for a moment, where is all the fun?
I feel so tired lately and I'm not sleeping. You might think that it's just a cold, but I think I have a virus in my sunshine gland.
Also, if you guys could help me out, I need something that rhymes with "cats" for my birthday present for Toni. It can't be lame, so "hats, mats and gnats" are all out. Can I use another word that also means felines, but doesn't sound cheezy?
R
Friday, February 02, 2007
next line please ...
Ok, I'm going to post a line from a song. Without cheating (googling it), you are to list the next line of the song. Then, please list a line from a different song and we will attempt to guess the next line.... and so on.
Here' goes...
This Romeo is bleeding...
T
Here' goes...
This Romeo is bleeding...
T
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
A top ten - by Roz
The top 10 days of this year:
10. January 1st. Everybody had fun. I'm sure you can think back to what you did and agree that 2007 started off pretty fantastic. If it didn't, I appologize on behalf of the universe and will petition to declare next Wednesday January 1st and we'll go to a movie or something. My treat.
9. March 3rd? I forget which day the curling tournament is. That's not a good sign, because I'm supposed to sign my team up. This event is one you get to dress up for, so automatically it makes the list as one of the best days of the year.
8. The day I leave for vacation with Nelson. I don't know when this is. I hope it exists. I'm not going to list "the day I get a present from my husband", because even I am not that foolish.
7. Toni's birthday. If she feels comfortable disclosing the mysterious day this is, I'll let her fill you in. (It's next month - shhh!) I'm going to suprise her with a fantastic present I started making last week. Don't tell her though.
6. Christmas. Even though it's stressful and crazy, I think Christmas 2007 is going to be a gooder. I'm guessing, because it could suck. But, if global warming keeps up, I'll be planting banana trees and having pineapple for breakfast December 25th this year. Yay!
5. The day in August when we go camping. Finally.
4. Next month, Toni and I will decide to do something crazy. That day will be awesome. The next day will be scary, because I'll realize what I just agreed to. Again. Curse you Toni!
3. My birthday! (Toni can put her birthday in this spot and move mine to a less coveted location in the top ten list.)
2. Halloween. I've written haiku's about how much I love pumpkin day. If Canada didn't have Halloween, I'd leave. If all of the people on the planet collectively decided to get rid of the month of October, and with it, Halloween, I would move to Mars and start my own planet. Where every day would be Halloween.
1. Today. Can you feel it? The day has potential written all over it. I think today could be THE day. For something. Somewhere on the planet. I'm ready.
10. January 1st. Everybody had fun. I'm sure you can think back to what you did and agree that 2007 started off pretty fantastic. If it didn't, I appologize on behalf of the universe and will petition to declare next Wednesday January 1st and we'll go to a movie or something. My treat.
9. March 3rd? I forget which day the curling tournament is. That's not a good sign, because I'm supposed to sign my team up. This event is one you get to dress up for, so automatically it makes the list as one of the best days of the year.
8. The day I leave for vacation with Nelson. I don't know when this is. I hope it exists. I'm not going to list "the day I get a present from my husband", because even I am not that foolish.
7. Toni's birthday. If she feels comfortable disclosing the mysterious day this is, I'll let her fill you in. (It's next month - shhh!) I'm going to suprise her with a fantastic present I started making last week. Don't tell her though.
6. Christmas. Even though it's stressful and crazy, I think Christmas 2007 is going to be a gooder. I'm guessing, because it could suck. But, if global warming keeps up, I'll be planting banana trees and having pineapple for breakfast December 25th this year. Yay!
5. The day in August when we go camping. Finally.
4. Next month, Toni and I will decide to do something crazy. That day will be awesome. The next day will be scary, because I'll realize what I just agreed to. Again. Curse you Toni!
3. My birthday! (Toni can put her birthday in this spot and move mine to a less coveted location in the top ten list.)
2. Halloween. I've written haiku's about how much I love pumpkin day. If Canada didn't have Halloween, I'd leave. If all of the people on the planet collectively decided to get rid of the month of October, and with it, Halloween, I would move to Mars and start my own planet. Where every day would be Halloween.
1. Today. Can you feel it? The day has potential written all over it. I think today could be THE day. For something. Somewhere on the planet. I'm ready.
more on cats
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51603/print/
Simon, as we speak, has allotted me 5 minutes to post on our blog. Now i must go make money so that I can afford to buy him the good kibble.
Simon, as we speak, has allotted me 5 minutes to post on our blog. Now i must go make money so that I can afford to buy him the good kibble.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Author: Marianne Williamson
Actually, who are you not to be?
...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Author: Marianne Williamson
Thursday, January 18, 2007
cold!
Roz, you would cease to exist at our house ... since Saturday. OUR FURNACE IS/WAS broken! Imagine waking up to the sound of metal on metal ... wait! back track.. let me start at the beginning.
Last Saturday, Brad says to me that he has some bad news. *insert the face of devastation. There was mouse poop in our basement. Simon, you're fired! No, he's not. We deduced that there was a mouse having a poop party in our house over Christmas while we and the felines were away. So, Brad tells me this knowing of my fear of the rodent.
OK, Sunday morning, bright and early we wake up to the sound of metal on metal and scraping! Instantly I think there are mice having another fiesta in our furnace vents! After this initial fear lapses, I begin to realize exactly how cold I am! It is freezing! ..... Yes, the furnace is (or is in the process of) crapping out.
SO, it has now taken 4 full working days to get the furnace in working order. I'll believe it when I feel it. You know, having a home that's 12 C for nearly a week--- while that might seem warm compared to the current temp outside... its freakin cold for a home! And especially for persons such as me who enjoy a home that is 22 C. Persons like Roz and Nelson that live in an inferno all year round would cease to exist in my home right now. How inhospitable is that! Anyway, Brad said 'its fixed'. Here's hoping I don't have to wear mittens in my home anymore.
T
Last Saturday, Brad says to me that he has some bad news. *insert the face of devastation. There was mouse poop in our basement. Simon, you're fired! No, he's not. We deduced that there was a mouse having a poop party in our house over Christmas while we and the felines were away. So, Brad tells me this knowing of my fear of the rodent.
OK, Sunday morning, bright and early we wake up to the sound of metal on metal and scraping! Instantly I think there are mice having another fiesta in our furnace vents! After this initial fear lapses, I begin to realize exactly how cold I am! It is freezing! ..... Yes, the furnace is (or is in the process of) crapping out.
SO, it has now taken 4 full working days to get the furnace in working order. I'll believe it when I feel it. You know, having a home that's 12 C for nearly a week--- while that might seem warm compared to the current temp outside... its freakin cold for a home! And especially for persons such as me who enjoy a home that is 22 C. Persons like Roz and Nelson that live in an inferno all year round would cease to exist in my home right now. How inhospitable is that! Anyway, Brad said 'its fixed'. Here's hoping I don't have to wear mittens in my home anymore.
T
Monday, January 15, 2007
The following true story is not for the purposes of garnering sympathy or pity. Because I don't really like either. It's just one of those character building/crushing stories.
In grade 8 I joined the girls' volleyball Team. We were the Trojans. I was terrible. Absolutely terrible. I had no friends on the team. In fact, we used to do partner stretching, where you would pair up and help your partner stretch out her grade 8 hamstrings, lats, etc. My teammates would go in groups of three just so they wouldn't have to go with me. I would stretch my hamstrings by myself in the locker room, pretending it was taking me a really long time to get changed just to avoid the humiliation. No one would sit beside me on the bench. I would start off sitting in the middle of the bench, and eventually I would be on the end of the bench by myself. You see, back then I had no verbal skills whatsoever, and was completely unable to defend myself, be assertive... nothing. And it would eat away at me, like a psychological game. I would realize I was a terrible player with no hand-eye coordination and therefore no skills, which would mean that I played even worse. I showed up to every game and every practice, and there was no skill development at all. And I knew that I wasn't liked. I knew that my teammates thought of me as the girl who lost the games. And don't give me that, one player can't lose an entire game, crap, cuz, yes, I in fact lost entire games for us. And I knew that all the other girls thought that, psychologically, I knew. Until this one day where I actually found out that, yes, the entire team thought I sucked and that I lost our games for us. We were at our school for a tournament and we had a bye. I had nothing to do, so I was reading a book in the locker room, and I decided to run to my locker to grab a snack. I walked down the school hallway towards my locker and I saw my entire team sitting in a circle eating their lunches. My locker was located very close to where they were sitting. So, I walked to my locker, opened it and proceeded to rifle through my belongings to find my apple and granola bar. While doing so, I overheard one teammate say, "toni sucks so bad. How can we all work together to get her kicked off the team? Or at least make her quit". In her defense, she had her back turned to me and couldn't see me at the time. I did and said nothing but continued to silently rifle around in my locker, at this time completely forgetting what I was after in the first place. I swallowed the lump that was welling up as best I could. I was and always will be a crier. You see, now I just mask it with anger. Anyway, I digress. Another of the girls sitting in such a position in the circle that she could see me completely, stated loudly, "toni's right there behind you!'. At this point the entire circle began laughing hysterically. All of them. The girl who owned the original remark attempted to stifle her laughter with her arms and hid her head in her lap - which I remember seeing out of the corner of my eye. Let me tell you, it is by some miracle that I was able to close my locker, and proceed to walk down the hallway (walk, not run) all the while hiding the tears that are now streaming down my face. I made my way to the girls washroom and locked myself in the stall for nearly 30 minutes. When I was able to control myself, I found a way to sneak outside I and located a small corner on the outside of the building where I could sit, catch my breath, and breathe in some fresh air. My house was a 2 minute walk away, and I contemplated just going home. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't . But I stuck around and proceeded to 'lose' another game for us. There were no apologies, there were no attempts to check to make sure I was ok. We had a team of 11 girls. All of them laughed at me, and none of them seemed to show any regard for my feelings. You'd think that there would be some sort of lesson learned for me... some sort of life altering moment I could attribute this to. But instead from then on, and even now, whenever something happens wehre I feel like I'm in junior high again... you know, where you feel like people are scoffing at a mistake you made, or smirking behind your back, or secretly plotting against you... whenever that happens I think back at this moment, like it was yesterday, and I'm overcome with tremendous sadness. Powerlessness. A loss of self. Like every ounce of confidence that I ever had is drained from my body in one fell swoop.
Anyway, this blog is for sharing, so I just shared.
Toni
In grade 8 I joined the girls' volleyball Team. We were the Trojans. I was terrible. Absolutely terrible. I had no friends on the team. In fact, we used to do partner stretching, where you would pair up and help your partner stretch out her grade 8 hamstrings, lats, etc. My teammates would go in groups of three just so they wouldn't have to go with me. I would stretch my hamstrings by myself in the locker room, pretending it was taking me a really long time to get changed just to avoid the humiliation. No one would sit beside me on the bench. I would start off sitting in the middle of the bench, and eventually I would be on the end of the bench by myself. You see, back then I had no verbal skills whatsoever, and was completely unable to defend myself, be assertive... nothing. And it would eat away at me, like a psychological game. I would realize I was a terrible player with no hand-eye coordination and therefore no skills, which would mean that I played even worse. I showed up to every game and every practice, and there was no skill development at all. And I knew that I wasn't liked. I knew that my teammates thought of me as the girl who lost the games. And don't give me that, one player can't lose an entire game, crap, cuz, yes, I in fact lost entire games for us. And I knew that all the other girls thought that, psychologically, I knew. Until this one day where I actually found out that, yes, the entire team thought I sucked and that I lost our games for us. We were at our school for a tournament and we had a bye. I had nothing to do, so I was reading a book in the locker room, and I decided to run to my locker to grab a snack. I walked down the school hallway towards my locker and I saw my entire team sitting in a circle eating their lunches. My locker was located very close to where they were sitting. So, I walked to my locker, opened it and proceeded to rifle through my belongings to find my apple and granola bar. While doing so, I overheard one teammate say, "toni sucks so bad. How can we all work together to get her kicked off the team? Or at least make her quit". In her defense, she had her back turned to me and couldn't see me at the time. I did and said nothing but continued to silently rifle around in my locker, at this time completely forgetting what I was after in the first place. I swallowed the lump that was welling up as best I could. I was and always will be a crier. You see, now I just mask it with anger. Anyway, I digress. Another of the girls sitting in such a position in the circle that she could see me completely, stated loudly, "toni's right there behind you!'. At this point the entire circle began laughing hysterically. All of them. The girl who owned the original remark attempted to stifle her laughter with her arms and hid her head in her lap - which I remember seeing out of the corner of my eye. Let me tell you, it is by some miracle that I was able to close my locker, and proceed to walk down the hallway (walk, not run) all the while hiding the tears that are now streaming down my face. I made my way to the girls washroom and locked myself in the stall for nearly 30 minutes. When I was able to control myself, I found a way to sneak outside I and located a small corner on the outside of the building where I could sit, catch my breath, and breathe in some fresh air. My house was a 2 minute walk away, and I contemplated just going home. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't . But I stuck around and proceeded to 'lose' another game for us. There were no apologies, there were no attempts to check to make sure I was ok. We had a team of 11 girls. All of them laughed at me, and none of them seemed to show any regard for my feelings. You'd think that there would be some sort of lesson learned for me... some sort of life altering moment I could attribute this to. But instead from then on, and even now, whenever something happens wehre I feel like I'm in junior high again... you know, where you feel like people are scoffing at a mistake you made, or smirking behind your back, or secretly plotting against you... whenever that happens I think back at this moment, like it was yesterday, and I'm overcome with tremendous sadness. Powerlessness. A loss of self. Like every ounce of confidence that I ever had is drained from my body in one fell swoop.
Anyway, this blog is for sharing, so I just shared.
Toni
Friday, January 12, 2007
Am I a horrible person?
Ok, can someone else please tell me that you forget about the fresh veggies in the back of the fridge and that you, too, have to toss them?? I'm overcome with guilt.
T
T
A haiku
I haven't posted a blog on the haiku for sometime.
(hehe)
Here's one for Toni:
Superhero she
Defending cute and fuzzy
Cheesy kryptonite
(hehe)
Here's one for Toni:
Superhero she
Defending cute and fuzzy
Cheesy kryptonite
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Caution, Spoiler Alert!
Hi everybody. Welcome to the blizzard!
Wow, I am simply amazed by the number of people who made guesses on the post below (Nelson's drawings). We are so loved by all of our friends and family.
I am posting the answers, with less hysterical commentary because there are no guesses anyway, in the comment section for this post.
Read on, if anybody even comes to this blog! You know, Becca's blog gets heated discussions. We get tumbleweed blowing, paint drying, grass growing silence. Inside, I think my heart is taking it's last dramatic breath before jumping off a rib to end it all...
R
Wow, I am simply amazed by the number of people who made guesses on the post below (Nelson's drawings). We are so loved by all of our friends and family.
I am posting the answers, with less hysterical commentary because there are no guesses anyway, in the comment section for this post.
Read on, if anybody even comes to this blog! You know, Becca's blog gets heated discussions. We get tumbleweed blowing, paint drying, grass growing silence. Inside, I think my heart is taking it's last dramatic breath before jumping off a rib to end it all...
R
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
We Love Our Pets Part Deux
Ok, Blogger appearsto be acting a bit goofy... but here are Meetoo, Simon and Kitkat. I think KitKat wins for cuteness for sure :) But Simon's stuck in a box, and Meetoo is being harassed but he doesn't care just so long as he gets loved :).
This morning, argh!!
So, I will not walk to work again unless the snow (and mud and sand and oil) is good and frozen or good and gone.
There I was minding my own business, tra lala la la, walking down into the river valley while the sun rises... And across the bridge where the snow was all melty and difficult to walk on, and then the city bus goes by and showers me with sandy mud!!! ARGH!!! And all over my glasses and face and coat... ARGH!!!
R
There I was minding my own business, tra lala la la, walking down into the river valley while the sun rises... And across the bridge where the snow was all melty and difficult to walk on, and then the city bus goes by and showers me with sandy mud!!! ARGH!!! And all over my glasses and face and coat... ARGH!!!
R
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