So guys, Toni has the plague. We might have to bleed her soon if it gets much more serious.
In order to cheer her up, I propose a joke competition on the blog site. Post your best jokes here and Toni will let us know which one made her snort so hard her knees blew out.
I'll start:
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from a duck.
R
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
haha! that was good. level 2 snortage.
T
“Ways to Keep Your Sanity...”
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they
slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your
voice.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once
everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions,
switch to espresso.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual
favors."
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with
the prophecy."
Dont use any punctuation marks
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't
rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a
tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling
name, Rock Hard Kim.
When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!",
"I won!", "Third time this week!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the
parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy,
we are going to have to let one of you go."
Got this in an email. Hope you enjoy Toni, and do feel better soon!
"Excerpts From The Dog's Daily Diary"
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
"Excerpts From The Cat's Daily Diary"
Day 283 Of My Captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However,
I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be
an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. . . .
Another from an email, I did enjoy, hope you do too.
PS. Sorry for the length
I love that diary of dog/cat joke!!! So true!!!
Post a Comment